Some people are competitive. Some people care a lot about how they measure up against the rest of the world. I am not competitive. I don’t really care that much if you are smarter or funnier or better-looking or can run faster. (I can pretty much guarantee that you can run faster.) It’s all good. I’m comfortable in my mediocrity.
But then there’s Valentine’s Day. I can’t explain what happens to me around Valentine’s Day.
Actually, I can totally explain what happens, or at least why it happens. The week before Annabel’s first Valentine’s Day at day care, I received a list of all the kids in the center. I looked at Michael that night and said, “Surely no one is going to bother with valentines for babies. This list is for the parents of older kids.”
Valentine’s Day arrived.
We were the only parents who didn’t do valentines for the babies.
We are terrible, terrible people.
I guess I don’t enjoy feeling like a terrible, terrible person, because the next year, I discovered that I had gotten competitive. So I made homemade glitter cards. I was quite proud of them.
Everyone else did homemade cards plus candy.
Sigh. Mutter. Grump.
It’s okay, fellow parents, I thought. You want to play? Oh, I can play. This year, this year, I was going to make it happen.
I got the glitter paints out. I made homemade heart stencils. I planned on making mini-heart shaped sugar cookies but then our oven broke (sabotage, anyone?), so I purchased chocolate instead. I forced Annabel into endless rounds of valentine making “fun” as first we painted, and then stenciled, and then glued, and then wrote. And in the end, it was good:
I mean, it wasn’t great. But for a three-year old who is severely handicapped by the fact that her mother is a Crafting Moron, I thought it wasn’t bad. Points for authenticity, at least, eh?
I was really looking to score big time points with Sam’s class, though. First, I felt pretty ahead of the curve because this time I knew that, yes, they really do valentines for the babies. But I wasn’t sure how I could make a splash with no candy and no little toys and no stickers. Just a card didn’t seem like enough. And then it hit me.
How about I knit heart toys for everyone?
Because surely that doesn’t look like a desperate woman who is trying too hard?
When the kids came home tonight, I immediately pounced on their bags. I’d been anxious all day and I had to know the truth. Where did I rank in the Great Valentine-off of 2011?
On Annabel’s side, I was strongly holding my own against homemade cuteness and sugar. And then I saw this:
Well, that’s just ridiculously adorable. It was homemade, contained sugar, and could double as a plaything. It was like the Valentine’s Day trifecta.
Dang it.
But wait. Wait. What is…that?
Oh, you mean the fake ice cream cone filled with hot chocolate mix, chocolate chips, and marshmallows?
I just… I’m totally… I don’t even know what to say about this.
Other than, you are the winner, Ms. Fake Ice Cream Cone Mom. Big congratulations to you, indeed. You are the Queen of Craft.
And Sam’s hearts? Well, they were cute but in the end I’m not sure a bunch of misshapen hearts made from scrap yarn held up against:
Rubber ducky and his glitter heart card.
Fine. It’s over. I lose again.
Next year I’m buying everyone ponies.
Just you wait.
Beyond the Dooryard 
Oh my, we totally discovered this this year, as well. Six month old baby, nothing from us (well, cookies for the teachers, does that count?) received: one drugstore special (although 3D), one homemade card, and one drugstore special (holographic hello kitty) with conversation hearts.
Although this is nowhere near your take. Perhaps because we aren’t nearly as snowed in down here in DC.
PS, followed you over from your houseblog.
You have an excellent point. Perhaps this is related to a lack of other entertainment options in February.
Yeah, but you know someone else will get unicorns.
Then I shall have unicorns with glitter manes!
Wait. No. Really?? The babies even?
I just…I’ve been so sheltered with having a SAHD. I’m frightened of daycare now.
I’d just like to point out that what I’m clearly dealing with here is a personal problem. I’m pretty sure this does not need to be taken to the level of hand-knitted hearts by a sane person.
And I think the babies are included because the teachers want to make sure they have fun, too. My daycare is awesome. Really.
Don’t worry about the Queen of Craft – she’s not that crafty. Well, maybe she is but in a different way. I know for a fact that they sell those ‘Hot Chocolate Kit cones’ at KMart during Christmas. So she’s really more of a ‘plan aheader’.
You know, a lot of my crafts could be better if I were a “plan aheader” instead of a “last minute scrambler.” I’m gonna start saving for those ponies NOW.
I just want to say, Sandy got me turned on to your blog and I am LOVING it. Hilarious! This absolutely cracked me up.
On a side note, I’m pretty sure that if you can knit, that disqualifies you for “Craft Moron” status, but it’s all too possible that there’s just a lower level of craft-ineptitude for those of us who do not–er, cannot–craft AND cannot also knit. If I ever need something crafty done, I’m just going to pay Sandy to do it.
Can’t wait for the next blog!
Welcome! And thanks!
It’s funny, but I don’t really consider knitting “crafting.” I think of it more like a life maintenance skill, maybe? Plus, I’m very slow so my projects tend to take three years to come to completion. That sorts of cuts down on its usefulness as a skill.
I like the idea of having Sandy do everything. She should become a freelance crafter-for-hire.
I agree. Sandy! We need your crafting abilities! Are you listening?
(Do you think we’ll get a discount?)
Think I need to clear something up. I am NOT the Sandy that can knit. I’m very happy that Erin knows a Sandy that can knit and do crafty things and is also smart enough to turn her on to your blog, but it’s not me. KMart is one of the stores I merchandise greeting cards in and I notice these things.
As far as crafts go, I’d be happy to cross-stitch something for you but you’ll have to wait until I finish the ridiculously large dragon picture I started for Ian when he was about 9. (Yes, Ian whose daughter is Olivia). I worked on it diligently for a while but have been taking a short break – about 10 years so far.
That’s okay, Sandy, we weren’t implicating you! We were enlisting another, mutual friend Sandy who is very talented and who clearly has nothing better to do than craft for me.
But I think you should get cracking on the cross-stitch. Chop chop!
Sandy K–I’m really happy to hear that someone else has a cross-stitch project that has spanned at least one decade. I started one in college as a birthday present for my mother…and, that was more years ago than I’d like to admit!
So, in 2012 you distribute Cuban cigars with cute cards attached to all the kiddies. By 2013 I guarantee that daycare management has banned the exchange of Valentine’s paraphernalia. If I can’t win, I like to close down the contest, you know?
I have good news! By the time they’re in 2nd grade, it’s way cooler to not care. Rubber duckies with glitter cards will only get you eye-rolling and behind-your-back whispers.
It becomes a contest in reverse. My daughter took red scraps of paper, wrote to: (child’s name) from: ceci, and drew a heart with a black sharpie. We taped licorce to the back of each card and would have won except I snuck down and punched a hole in the top of each one and looped through thick, red yarn to make them into book marks. What can I say? Old habits die hard.
Those hearts are spectacular, BTW. I have half a mind to hire you for next year. But I can’t (see above).
Cherie – I found this via Lori’s Facebook page ad I have to say ‘MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!’ every year I try and try and do the same thing, grab Calie (and now Bailey’s) valentines as soon as we get home to see exactly where we rank, I was guaranteed failure with Bailey’s room as I thought ‘their babies, what can you do for valentines day?’
FYI – I LOVED THE HEARTS 🙂
Next year we can pitch in together on the ponies 😉
Bethany
So you realize that the mom who bought the rubber duckies was thinking, “Someone made knit hearts? I so lose.” 🙂 I am very impressed. My son’s valentine’s all consisted of store bought valentine cards (he sent dinosaur ones) and high sugar content items. We went the extra mile and added stickers and a bouncy ball. Woo hoo, talk about creativity!
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You won in our hearts. In fact, we still have our blue knitted, perfect in our eyes heart. We always think of Sam (I mean you) when we hang it on our terrible, harvested-from-the-backyard Christmas tree.