The following is a list of things that I used to think my mother was falsely accusing me of but that now, as a mother of two children, I realize I was actually doing:

  1. Walking through the dirt pile.
  2. Waiting until she was on the phone to need something.
  3. Talking far louder than justified.
  4. Whining.
  5. Being sassy.
  6. Dropping my fork on purpose.
  7. Antagonizing my sibling.
  8. Listening for when she might be trying to quietly get a snack for herself and then rushing to the kitchen to beg for some.
  9. Claiming to be full. Until five minutes after dinner dishes are cleared. Then–ahaha! Can you believe it?–being hungry again.
  10. Refusing to sleep when obviously tired.
  11. Moving items from place to place in the house just to drive her batty.
  12. Digging every toy out of the toy box.
  13. Lying about doing any of the above.